The Morning After
by AlwaysER-AlwaysCarby2
Summary: Two people get drunk. Wake up next morning in bed together. Dificulties follow, as life takes an unexpected turn. Chapter 18 is up!
1. The Unexpected

**Title:** The Unexpected   
**Rating:** PG-13, I mean nothing really risque in here at all, but just to be safe!   
**Spoilers:** A few, nothing you didn't see coming though.   
**Summary:** Two people get drunk, one thing leads to another, and they end up in bed together. But what happens next.   
**Author's Note:** A Carby!! This came to me late last night. Lemme know what you think!   
**Disclaimer:** I only wrote the story, I own nada. Not the characters, not nothing. That's all NBC!   
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Carter woke to the light streaming in his eyes, he looked out the window. It was morning. God was it morning, and way to bright. Carter's head was killing him, the lights was making his eyes water, and his head was pounding. He tried to remember why, of course, he remembered drinking almost a tub of liquor. He barley remembered anything about the night before.   
Carter had been working the day before, there had been a lot going on. Multiple stab victims and G.S.W's. There had been a huge gang war, a lot of innocent bystander's had been involved as well.   
There had been at least 20 traumas all revolving around that, it had been a busy day for everyone. The had lost 13 people. Only 7 survived. It had been a bad day for everyone. Carter remembered they all had decided to go out and get drinks after. Him, Susan, Luka, Chuny, Haleh, and Abby. Carter remembered telling Abby off for drinking, then she had shouted at him, because he had been drinking too. She was yelling what a hypocrite he was. Then it all became kinda blurry.   
He didn't know how he had gotten home, or even the time he finally got home. Carter placed his hands over his eyes. He didn't want to think. He just wanted to go back to sleep. He had been having such a good dream. He had been with Abby. They were having sex. He smiled, like that would ever happen again.  
He tried to relax again, thankful that he didn't have to work that day. He shifted slightly under the covers, and suddenly became aware that he wasn't completely lying just on top of the mattress. There was something else there. A warm, smooth body. He sat up instantly opening his eyes, the comforter fell off of him and he realized he was naked. And there was a naked woman lying right next to him. He held his head, it was pounding, he had sat up to fast. There was a naked woman lying right next to him, her hair was strew across her back and she had her head facing the other way so he couldn't see her face. He placed one hand on the mattress next to the woman, and slowly leaned over her to see her face.  
Her hair was covering that too, he slowly brushed it aside.  
"SHIT!" He shouted.  
The woman's eyes jerked open.  
"Carter! What in the hell.  
She sat up too. Looked down and realized she was completely naked. She pulled the covers up to her chest. She put her hand to her head, and groaned.  
"Carter what happened?  
"I think, well, we got drunk, and then we had sex.  
"Oh my God Carter. We had sex?"  
"Yeah, we had sex, and from what I remember it was more than once."  
"Oh my God. Where are we?"  
"We're at my place. This is my house, Abby." 


	2. The Night Before

16 HOURS EARLIER  
  
"Hey Abby you off?" Susan approached Abby in the lounge. Both were tired and depressed, it had been a long hard day.  
"Yeah, thank god.  
"Want to go out with some of the nurses, they are going for a drink.  
Abby knew she shouldn't, she hadn't had a drink in about six months. But she could always order something virgin, so she decided to go.  
It had been a really hard day, 20 trauma's in 4 hours. Most died, because of a gang war the had gotten out of hand. Most of the people who were actually hurt were just innocent bystanders. They were mostly the only ones who died too.  
Abby couldn't forget one person brought into the ER, she was 5 years old. The whole time she remained completely calm and trusting. She thanked every one and was considerate and sweet. She died quickly though. Abby couldn't help but think about that one trauma, that life cut short. She was only 5, she didn't deserve to die.   
"You all ready?" Chuny, Luka, Haleh, and Carter were standing by the entrance to the ambulance bay when Susan and Abby walked out. They had decided to go to a tiki bar near by. Abby had been there before with some of the ER staff.

------------------------------  
  
"You're drinking?" Came a voice from behind her. Abby turned around, there was Carter.  
"Yeah."  
Carter looked at Abby, obviously disapproving.

"You are drinking too."  
"Well I am not an alcoholic."  
"Well you are fast becoming one." Abby raised her voice, not really meaning to. She had lost control, she was taking all the anger from what had happened that day out on him.  
"What's that supposed to mean." Carter voice was rising to.  
"I haven't seen you completely sober in over a week. Even when we are at work."  
Carter smirked and chugged back some more beer.  
"You see that," Abby shouted. "You are such a hypocrite."  
"Well at least I have a reason to drink."  
"Yea, so did I!  
"Not as much as me."  
"So suddenly it's okay for you to drink and do everything you told me not too, because your life is harder?" She couldn't believe what she was hearing. She couldn't believe she was getting this from him.  
Carter turned around and started walking away, towards the men's bathrooms and the phones. Abby ran up behind him.   
"You see, this is so hypocritical too. You used to always yell at me for walking away, well look at what you are doing!"

Carter whirled on her. She was caught by surprise, he looked murderous. He backed her into the corner. And then, he started crying. Sobbing into Abby shoulder, she was surprised, but she knew why. Life had been hard for him lately. Kem was gone, his baby dead. She knew how he must feel. Not completely, but she had had her share of problems, she knew why he was drinking. She sudden;y felt amazingly sorry.  
"I am sorry Carter, I know, I know why you are doing this."

Carter looked at her, no longer mad.  
"I am sorry I shouted at you Carter, you are going through a hard time.  
"I am sorry too Abby. I am a hypocrite. I know why you did it now. I understand why you drank, you just couldn't help it, you just couldn't stop.  
Abby looked Carter in the eye, her hand resting on his cheek. Sudden;y they were kissing, she tried to stop, but she didn't want to. She was to drunk and gone to care. She was kissing Carter finally for the first time in, well too long to remember.  
  
"I wonder where they went." Luka asked, looking around the bar.  
"I think they headed towards the bathrooms, probably both are hurling." Chuny said.  
"Wanna check?" Susan asked.  
"Well I will check on Abby, make sure she is okay.  
Chuny got up off the stool and headed back towards the bathrooms, she walked past the phones and looked into the woman's bathroom, no sign of Abby. She walked out again, and was heading towards the men's when she say them. They were making out in a corner by the phones near the men's bathroom. Chuny quickly turned around and left.  
"They are fine.  
"Where are they?"   
"Making out near the men's bathroom.  
Everyone laughed.  
  
"I - I - I need to work tomorrow," Abby managed to stutter.  
"Then lets go, I'll call a cab."

"Ok," Abby said, not caring anymore, she wanted anything to be with Carter. She hadn't in so long.   
They walked out side, not even looking at the bar, where all their friends were sitting, staring at them in shock.


	3. Gossip

"Oh my God Carter. We had sex?  
Abby couldn't believe it. She had been so good, she hadn't had a drink for over six months, up till last night. She had such a hangover and by the looks of it, so did Carter. But she couldn't understand how this happened, how could she have been so stupid?  
"What time is it?" Abby asked, she had to work that day.  
"It's 10:30."   
"Oh my God," Abby jumped out of bed. "I need to be at the hospital in a half an hour.  
Abby rushed all around on the ground, looking for her clothes, which had been strewn all over the place.   
"Where is my bra?" Abby asked aloud.  
"Over on the dresser.  
Abby ran to get it and then walked into the bathroom. She shut the door and leaned against it, feeling the coolness of the wood on her forehead. Her head was killing her. She couldn't believe where she was, or what had happened. She threw on her bra and shirt, pulled on her underwear and pants. She then walked over to the mirror, she looked at herself. She had huge bag under her eyes and her hair was a mess.  
She quickly ran Carter's comb threw it and pulled it back into a pony tail, she had a rubber band on her wrist. She looked presentable. If she left now, she would just make it. Abby threw on her shoes, and walked back into the bedroom. Carter was no longer there, thank god. She walked out of the bedroom into the hallway. She could hear water running downstairs, she walked into the hallway and down the stairs, and by another bathroom.  
"Bye Carter," She shouted and walked quickly to the front door, unlocked it and stepped outside into the cold autumn air.  
Good god, she thought. What had she done. She vaguely remembered yesterday night. She remembered drinking, fighting with Carter. Suddenly they were in a bed, no, she didn't want to remember more. She ran to the El station and jumped on a train.   
As Abby held sat in the seat she watched houses pass by. How could she be so stupid, she hadn't had a drink in so long. But yesterday had been hard, she needed just a little. But once she had started, someone had kept buying her more and more. She couldn't remember who. Maybe people just kept ordering them, and she just kept drinking them. God, how could she be so stupid. She had just had sex with Carter, for the first time in over a year. What bad timing she thought. He is going through such a hard time, with Kem gone and everything.  
Carter had had such a hard time with it, he had been drinking, and he refused help from everyone. He had given her grief though, the night before. Because she had been drinking, although he had been too.   
Abby got off the El and walked across the street to County. She hoped no one would notice that she was wearing the same clothes, maybe she could change into some scrubs. God, what had she done.

----------------------------  
"You got time for a coffee?"  
Susan had approached Abby at the admit desk. It had been a busy morning, but nothing really out of the ordinary. Then again, Abby wondered, was there an "ordinary" for County?  
"Sure," Abby said, desperate for a break. "I have an awful headache."  
"I bet carter does too." Someone muttered behind her. A few people snickered.  
Abby wheeled around, shocked. Chuny, Haleh, Frank, Malik, Luka, Susan, they were all smirking, not bothering to look at Abby.  
"What?"  
"Nothing." Frank said, doing his best not to laugh.  
"Did he Abby?" Chuny asked her.  
"Huh?"  
"Did he have a hangover, you saw him this morning, right?"  
Abby turned four stages of red, and picked up her coat and started towards the doors that led out into the ambulance bay.  
"Sorry about that Abby." Susan followed her.

"You all know?"  
"Well it was kinda obvious Abby. I mean, you guys both got really drunk, then started fighting, then Chuny found you guys making out in a corner by the pay phones. The last anyone saw of you two, you were heading out of the bar, both drunk as bats, but holding each others hand. Then, well, when you were wearing the same clothes as yesterday, everyone's suspicions were confirmed."  
"Oh God. So now the whole hospital knows. Why can't people keep their mouths shut here, people gossip to much!"

"What DID happen?  
"Come on, Susan, you know."  
"Oh my God Abby."  
"I know, do you have any idea what kind of shock that was for me. Probably for him too. Waking up and finding myself naked, with him, in his bed, in his house, I was speechless."  
"Did you talk to him."  
"What was I supposed to say. 'Oh Carter, remember how last night we had sex, like 5 times, well just forget about, pretend nothing happened'."  
"5 times?"

"I think more actually.  
Susan laughed.  
"I am glad you find this funny. As if our relationship wasn't already strained enough. I mean we never really talked about what happened, when we were together, the whole breakup thing. Things were weird enough already. I don't even think I could look him in the eye.  
Abby rested her head against the wall of County. They were standing in the ambulance bay.  
"I need to get back to my shift." Abby said and walked back inside.  
As she approached the admit desk, everyone there immediately stopped talking the second they saw her. She knew that they had been talking about her.  
Abby grabbed a patient chart, not looking at anyone. God, this was going to be a real awful day, she thought.


	4. Uncomfortable

Abby got home that night tired and crabby as hell. By the end of the day, every one knew that Carter and her had gotten drunk and slept together. The thing was, most likely no one would bother Carter about it, no one would even talk to him about it, because he was still so vulnerable now that Kem and the baby were gone.   
"I am so stupid," Abby muttered to herself. She had to work with him tomorrow, she didn't even know if she could look him in the eye. Abby stripped off her clothes and umped into the shower. Every problem she had always seemed to leave when she was in the shower.   
The day had been easy, maybe even enjoyable if people hadn't been smirking and laughing when ever she turned her back. Abby had picked up bits of conversation, no one was surprised, they all thought Abby and Carter were bound to get back together any ways. But they were all surprised by the way it happened and that it happened so fast after Kem left.  
No this was supposed to be relaxing. her shower was supposed to make her calm, not tense and unsure. She cut her shower short, just threw on a long shirt and fell into bed, to tired to do anything else.   
----------------------------  
"Morning Frank." Abby said as she walked into the admit area. She had gotten a good night's sleep and was ready to take on everyone's teasing the next day. Abby headed for the lounge, she wanted to put away her stuff before starting the day.  
"I wouldn't go in there." Frank called after her but she ignored him. She pushed open the door to the lounge, Susan was sitting on the couch and Carter was standing over the coffee maker. He look sober for the first time in a while. Abby stopped, she couldn't be in there with him. But she needed to put her stuff away, she veered right, heading straight for her locker, praying the Carter wouldn't say anything.  
"Morning Abby," it was only Susan.  
"Morning." Abby said quickly, but Carter left the room before she finished, "Oh thank god.  
Susan laughed, as Abby sank down onto the floor infront of her locker, resting the back of her head against it.   
"You will be fine today. He plans on avoiding you, and you him, you wont even have to look at each other.  
"If I am lucky."  
Abby left the lounge, heading towards the admit desk, everyone there was smirking at her still. God she hated this, but she was just going to ignore it.   
"Hey Abby," Frank called behind her.  
"What Frank," she said, pissed, knowing he was going to throw some sort of joke her way.  
"There's an MVA coming in."  
"Oh," Abby's expression lightened, "Thanks Frank."  
"29 year old, white female, MVA, car crashed into a light post, possible suicide."  
"Did she take anything?"  
"Not that we could see, but witnesses say she was driving crazy, so she was probably on something.  
"Okay. Is trauma two cleared?  
"Yeah.  
Abby wheeled the gurney in to the trauma room.   
"Okay on my count. 1, 2, and 3.  
Abby walked around the side of the patient checking out her head.  
"Oh god, her head is completely bashed in, and there is gray matter."  
"Should we call....." Haleh started to say.  
"There's nothing we can do, except she might be a candidate for organ transplants."  
Abby took off her gloves and left the room. That had been awful. She hated seeing things like that, well not so much the bleeding, but when they could do nothing to even help the patient. There was nothing they could do for her.   
"She died?" Abby jumped. Partly because it scared her, and partly because she knew the voice. It was Carter.  
"Yeah." Abby's answer was fast. She wanted to get away.  
"Sorry.  
"There was nothing we could do.  
"I know...."   
Things were silent for a second, Abby hated uncomfortable silences, she grabbed another patient chart and quickly left. She walked into the exam room. Breathing a sigh of relief, God that had been torture.   
  
-------------------------------------------  
Four weeks later, things were still no better. In fact, things had gotten worse. Now not only were there uncomfortable silences, Abby and Carter were fighting, and over the smallest things, yesterday they had gotten in a fighting match about how to treat a person with burns on their legs. They had been screaming at one another, until the patient tapped Abby on the shoulder and said that they wanted a new doctor.  
Abby was really pissed at Carter for that. He had lost her a patient, not that she wasn't busy, but she felt like he did that on purpose. Things had been really uncomfortable for them in the past, but nothing like this. Neither wanted to be near the other.   
Carter was not pissed, just really wary of Abby. She had been having mood swings and making careless errors. When Carter tried to point that out to her, she blew up at him.  
Abby was so tired, she was tired of everything and every one. She just needed to blow off some steam, unfortunately, she had been doing it at all her friends.  
  
Abby sat down on a gurney in exam room one. She was tired, all she wanted to do was sleep. Her patient had just been wheeled up for an x-ray and she sat on his bed. Not wanting to get up or move. Abby laid back on the gurney, just appreciating the silence around her. She turned over on the bed, just laying there and she placed her hand over her eyes. She knew she couldn't stay there long, she just needed a second.... a few seconds.  
  
"Abby. Abby wake up.  
"Huh?"Abby opened her eyes, she didn't realize she had fallen asleep. Chen was standing over her.   
"Abby, multiple GSW coming in. We need more help.  
Abby got up, so tired. All she wanted to do was go back to sleep. Her body felt tired, her mind felt tired, she felt sick and uncomfortable.  
Abby walked into the trauma room. People were all around her, moving around, doing things, but she couldn't see straight, she rubbed her eyes, it didn't help, she walked over to the side of the gurney, where Chen was intubating a patient. Abby could hardly see, she could hardly think, everything was busy and swirling, then everything was dark. Abby fell to the ground, she fainted. 


	5. Surprise

Thanks for all the great reviews, keep them coming.   
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Abby rolled over on the bed. She didn't want to get up, she had been having a great dream. She knew she had had that dream once before, it was a really long time ago, when she was still married to Richard. She knew she had to get up though, it was most likely morning, and so she would have to work.   
Abby opened her eyes and then shut them fast again. She opened them, not really sure she was believing where she was. She was at County in an exam room. Abby sat up, she had an IV in her arm and she was wearing a hospital gown.   
"Morning Abby."   
It was Sam.  
"What am I doing here. What time is it?  
"It is 10:30, you have been sleeping in here since yesterday afternoon. Have you not gotten a lot of sleep lately?  
"Well I have been really tired. When did I fall asleep.  
"You fainted in a trauma, no one knew what happened to you, so they brought you in here and you have been asleep ever since.  
"Oh God, Kerry must be pissed.  
"Not really, everyone was mostly worried.  
"Who did my workup?"  
"I think Susan did.  
"Could I see her?  
"Sure, let me go get her."  
"Thanks Sam."  
Abby laid back down on the bed. She wasn't so tired anymore, she just felt sick. Even though she hadn't eaten since yesterday, maybe that was why. She was slightly embarassed, she had never fainted during a trauma, she couldn't even remember the patient. It must have been bad to make her faint. She just wanted to do nothing. She didn't want to think or move. She was no longer physically tired, just mentally. She felt really sad, and she didn't know why. Her emotions had been all over the place lately. She couldn't really explain why, she didn't know. But she often just felt like crying. She shut her eyes,   
"Don't drift off again." Susan had entered the room.  
Abby opened her eyes, and smiled. She was glad to see Susan, it made her feel better.  
"You really scared Chen when you fainted during the trauma," Susan said to her. "She said you stumbled into the trauma room, clutching your head, and looked like you were going ot throw up, then grabbed the corner of the gurney and just collasped.  
"I was so tired. I have no idea why.  
Susan laughed. "I do.  
"You do, what?  
"I know why.  
"Why?  
"Well first you were really dehydrated. Second, remember when you and Carter.....  
"Yea I remember.  
"Well did you guys use anything?  
"I dunno, I can't remember, I don't think Carter does.......... GOD NO. Susan please tell me that your not going to say what I think you are.  
Abby didn't have to hear it, she knew what was coming. She couldn't believe it, not now, not at all. This couldn't be happening.  
"Surprise Abby, you're pregnant.  
"Oh Shit." 


	6. Explanations

Abby was shocked, but more than that, she was mad. She was more than mad, she was pissed. She was hating herself, how could she be so stupid. How could she have done this, not only been drinking again, which she promised herself she wouldn't do. She was mad that she let herself get so drunk that she would sleep with Carter and not even use a condom. Abby was so mad at herself, she just started to cry.  
But not only that, she was mad at Carter too. He hated her drinking, more than anything, so why in the hell did he sleep with her? He was such a hypocrite, he was dead drunk too. But still why didn't one of them stop it. Why, why did they have to have sex, why did she have to now be pregnant. Abby was sobbing, she was beyond emotions, she was everything, mad, scared, frustrated, angry, she just didn't know what to do.  
"Abby, it's okay. It'll be okay." Susan was staring at her in shock, not knowing why she was crying.  
"No Susan, it's not okay. What am I supposed to do. I mean, forever I have wanted to get back together with Carter. I made so many mistakes in our relationship, I screwed so many things up, and then he left, and he crushed me. Then he broke up with me, in a letter from half way around the world, the whole ER, read it, and knew about it. Then he comes back with a girlfriend, who he managed to knock up. I mean, I didn't know what to do. I went to back to med school, because I thought if he came back and saw how much I had changed.... I don't know. But then the kid died, and I slowly watched Carter fall apart, then Kem left. I mean I didn't know what to do anymore. I mean, I still loved Carter, I don't think I will ever stop loving him, but I didn't want things to end up like this. Not a one night stand. Not like this. Susan, how do I tell him this, how do I deal with this.  
Susan was just sitting there, staring at her. There was so much going through Abby's head, what was she going to do? She got up off the bed. And started to put her clothes on.  
"You can go if you want to," Susan managed to say. "Do you want me to take you home?  
"No, no I'll be okay.  
Abby threw all her clothes on, and put on her shoes, when she saw Carter pass by in the hall heading into the doctors lounge. She sprinted in there after him.  
"Carter what did you do?" She shouted at him. She was so angry at him, at herself.  
"What are you talking about Abby? Why are you crying?  
"Carter, you got me pregnant. What did you do? Why?  
"What? Don't blame this all on me Abby. It takes two people to make a baby.  
"Why did you even sleep with me any ways, I was drunk, you hate it when I get drunk. You were drunk too, and you were yelling at me for being drunk. You were such a hypocrite. How could this have happened," Abby sobbed, she was loosing it, she baked against the wall and sank to the floor. "Carter," She sobbed out. "Carter, I am pregnant, I am going to have your child. How could I have been so stupid, why did I have to get drunk, why did I have to sleep with you? Why do I have to be pregnant?  
"Abby......" Carter began.  
Abby couldn't face him though, she stood up, and ran out of the lounge, followed by Carter. She ran through the ER, past the admit desk where Frank, Jerry and all the nurses were staring at them, running through the halls. Abby was running but Carter was catching up fast. She ran until she got to a wall, she could run anymore, she was out of breathe. She was going to throw up. She did, she threw up, all over the floor. Carter who didn't come to a stop fast enough slipped on it and come down hard on his back.  
"Carter, oh God. Carter are you okay." She sat down next to him.  
Carter looked up at her and sat up. Abby was crying, she didn't know what to do anymore, she just sat down right there, crying into Carter's arms as he held her. Everyone was watching them, the patients, the doctors, the nurses, everyone. Carter stood up, picking Abby up with him, he held her too him. She was still crying, he carried her back to the lounge. And plopped her down onto the sofa in there.   
"Abby, calm down.  
Abby just looked at him.   
"Abby, you're pregnant, there's nothing we can do about that now.  
She was still crying, she didn't have enough strength to even speak.  
"Abby, yes, I hate it when you drink. But I was drunk then too, I don't think that really mattered to me then.  
"Carter," Abby managed to get out. "If you hate it when I drink, then why do you?  
Carter looked at her. She could tell he didn't want to talk about this. But she needed to know why.  
"Carter, why?"   
"Because I don't know what else to do. I lost everything I ever cared for. I mean I lost Gamma, then you, then a baby, then Kem. I lost everything, I lost Gamma and the baby to death. Kem, I lost, because, I never really had anything with her. It was an imaginary world, not real. And I had lost you to stupidity. I thought I was doing the right thing, when I sent you the letter. I was hurting, I blamed you for it. I don't know I was stupid, but you chose him over me. I felt like I wasn't important to you, the last thing on your list.  
"Carter how can you say that. I loved you, you were the most important thing to me.  
"Then why did you go to Eric when I needed you?  
"Because I knew you would still be there when I came back. With Eric, I didn't know if he would still be there.  
"I needed you Abby. And I had been there every time you needed me, suddenly though, when I needed you, you were gone.  
"Carter, I am sorry. I really am, but I didn't know what to do. Here were the two people I loved most in the world. They both needed me, I didn't know what to do.  
They were silent, both of them. Neither knowing what to say. They had needed to talk about this for so long. Neither had wanted to bring it up though, both were hurting, both unsure.   
"But you left me too. I felt like you were purposely trying to hurt me then.  
"Why would I purposely hurt you?"  
"I didn't know."  
"Abby, I would never want to hurt you."  
"The why did you send me the letter?"  
"Oh God......  
"Carter do you have any idea how humiliating that was. The whole ER read it. They all knew that I wasn't good enough for you.  
"I never said that you weren't good enough for me.  
"Well you implied it.  
"No I didn't Abby. I would never say that you weren't good enough for me. Abby you weren't perfect, but no one is. I loved you, for who you were.  
"Then why were you trying to fix me?  
"I wasn't trying to fix you. I was trying to help you."  
"Help me, become perfect for you.  
"ABBY STOP." Carter was shouting. "I never wanted to change you, NEVER. I loved you just the way you were, yes you had problems, but so did I. I loved you Abby. I wanted to help you change, because you seemed so insecure about yourself. I wanted you to realize that you were fine, and if you changed a little in the process so that you could realize that, then so be it. I never, ever thought you weren't good enough for me."  
"Then why did you leave?"  
"I left because I was afraid. I couldn't deal with my problems. I thought if I left, then things would be easier. Things were, but only because they were masked. I didn't actually have to deal with my problems there. I was still left with one emotion though. I was mad at you. I am sorry. I really am, but I blamed you for what happened. I am sorry I did. So I wrote that letter. I wasn't trying to hurt you, I was trying to stop myself from hurting. I am sorry I took it all out on you. I am sorry that it made you hurt.  
"And Kem, when did she come in?"  
"It was after I even sent the letter. I didn't even really talk to her until Luka's plane had taken off. I didn't break up with you for her.  
Abby felt a little better after that. That thought had been plaguing her ever since he came back with her.  
"I didn't plan the kid with her. It came as a shock. But I welcomed it, it seemed perfect to me. I still thought that everything I was feeling was real. It wasn't though, it was perfect, because that is what I wanted, what I needed. She was the complete opposite of you, and that's why I welcomed it, I didn't have to be reminded of you. Then we came back, and I saw you." Carter laughed as he said this, "I don't think then I really knew what I was feeling. I saw you, and I wanted to hug you, but I didn't because I thought you would probably punch me. I don't blame you if you hated me, or still do.  
"I don't. But go on.  
"Things seemed perfect you know, like in the movie Pleasantville. Everything seemed perfect, but I had this nagging doubt at the back of my head. I could feel it, something bad was coming, then it did. I knew something was going to happen, but I still wasn't ready for it. When the baby died, that invisible bubble, that surrounded me, it popped. I realized so much then, I had never really gotten over Gamma, so then I was dealing with two deaths. My sons, my grandmother's. I couldn't help myself, so I couldn't help Kem. I tried, with one last attempt to save that fake little world I lived in, I proposed to Kem. She turned me down though, she ran away from me. When I came back home that night, she was packed and gone, the key was in my mail box. I didn't know what to do then. I had lost everything that the past year had been to me. I realized I had given up everything that matter. I had lost everything. That is when I started drinking." 


	7. It's Your Turn

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no: I doubt a blind deaf mute would be reading this, and if it's reality you are looking for, why are you at this site? After all, this is fan FICTIONS, as in FALSE!   
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Abby relaxed a little now. She knew, she finally knew why, why everything had happened. Some of it still bothered her. Some of it she still didn't completely understand, but she was content.   
"What did I miss though, Abby? How did you feel? Please tell me. I just told you, it's your turn."  
"Where do I start?  
"From when you had to chose between me and Eric, I want to know. I want to understand.  
"Please understand Carter, I wasn't choosing him over you, or one over the other. I beg of you Carter, understand I wasn't choosing between you two. I thought that that was the best choice. I thought you would understand, but after you were mad at me about that I realized how you took it. I wanted to explain that I wasn't choosing. But I guess I never really got the chance. If I were given the chance again, I know what I would have chosen. I mean that last year was pretty much hell. If I could have avoided all the things I went through, I wouldn't have gone. Then, I felt like you left just to hurt me, to get back at me for leaving you. I knew I probably deserved it, but, it still hurt, it hurt so much. I mean I loved you so much, and suddenly you were leaving me. I didn't understand. I think know I felt much like you felt when I left."  
There was a pause, where Abby caught her breath and continued.  
"Then you came back, and I was still a little mad. I mean, I don't think I was expecting you. I wasn't expecting you to leave that fast again. So I was a bitch, I thought after a day, I would try to make peace again, but then you were gone again, I knew this time it didn't have to do with me, but it didn't make it hurt any less. Then I got the letter. That letter crushed me. I mean, I blamed myself for it, but it hurt so much more than everything else. I wanted more than anything a chance to fix things, but I didn't get that chance, I couldn't do anything to talk to you. I didn't know where you were. So I tried to fx everything up so that when you got back you would be blown away. I stopped smoking, I stopped drinking, I really did. I had been sober for like 6 months before that night. That night was sort of a weakness for me, I saw you drinking, so I thought why not.   
But any ways, I went back to med school, just to prove to you that I wasn't a quitter. That I could do it. I was waiting, every day, every night. And then you showed up with her." Abby laughed at this, not a funny laugh, a laugh that represented how ironic the situation was. "I was so hurt then. More then I was when you left, more than I was when I got the letter, it was so hard Carter, because I had done all these things for you. Suddenly I didn't know why I was doing them. That's when I started to smoke again. I kept going with the med school I really wanted to do that. But it still hurt, do you know how hard it is to watch someone you love, love someone else?"  
"I had to watch you and Luka."  
"I wasn't pregnant with his kid though. Watching her, I wanted to be where she was. I wanted to be your girlfriend, I wanted to be pregnant with your kid. It hurt so much. Then the kid died, and I suddenly knew, things were going to fall apart. This was my chance to prove to you, this was where I could show you how much you meant to me. But you pushed me away, you pushed everyone away. I thought when you were ready I would show you. I was still waiting. I don't know if I slept with you because I thought that it would console you. I don't know why I did it, other than the fact I was drunk, and the fact that I missed you.  
"You missed me?  
"I missed you. I know it sounds cheesy, but I missed hearing your voice almost every day, I missed the way we would tease one another, I missed your laugh, your smile. I miss the way you made scrambled eggs."  
Carter laughed at this.  
"I'm sorry, I know this is the last thing you want to hear right now, you have enough to deal with.  
"No, it's okay. Sometime you get so wrapped up in your own life, you forget there is a whole world out there, one with feelings and emotions as well. I am sorry I hurt you.  
"So am I.  
Abby just lay there, she wasn't looking for romance right now. Right now she knew that she had her friend back, if romance grew from there, so be it, if not, oh well, she was content. She had told him everything, and she now knew how he felt. He laid down behind her on the couch. Hugging her to him. They just lay there, appreciating the calmness of everything, the silence.   
  
Out side the lounge, all the doctors and nurses were at the admit desk, not knowing whether or not to go into the lounge. They didn't hear any shouting, but they didn't know what they were doing, and they weren't sure they wanted to know. 


	8. I'm Okay

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Abby lay where she was. She had fallen asleep again. She didn't know if all this sleep was healthy. She still hadn't eaten and she was starving, but she didn't want to get up, she didn't want to wake up Carter who was asleep behind her.   
She hadn't just woken up, she had been awake for about an hour. People had come in, whispering behind them, Abby had pretended she was asleep. She knew they were gossiping about them, Abby hoped though that Susan hadn't told anyone about her being pregnant.  
She didn't know yet how she felt about all of this. She was glad she had finally told Carter this, that he had finally told her everything. She no longer had to wonder, she knew. But what was she going to do. Abby pregnant, it just didn't sound right, or even feel right to her. Abortion had crossed her mind, and as much as she thought about it, she knew she could never do that to Carter. He would want this child.  
Still, as stupid as it sounds, Abby had this nagging doubt in her mind. Had Carter done this to her on purpose? Was he jealous that she had finally gotten her life back together and now that his was falling apart he wanted to take her with him? No, she was just being crazy, the lack of food was going to her head.   
Abby, being as quiet as she could, rolled off the couch. Carter was still lying there asleep. She walked over to the fridge, and looked inside. There was a full package of donut's in there, so she grabbed 5. She was starving. She sat at the table with the donuts, after about three she began to feel sick again. She really didn't want to barf up the only food she had had other than the stuff her IV was given her when she had passed out, so she lay her head down on the cool table in the lounge.  
She was starting to feel better again, so she decided to have a banana instead now. All the sugar was too much for her stomach. She grabbed a banana out of the fridge and walked out of the lounge. It was getting to stuffy in there for her, Carter was still asleep.  
Frank stared at her, not sure what she was going to do.  
"Hey Frank."  
She wasn't on, but she really didn't want to go home.  
"Well as long as you aren't going to faint, break down crying, scream at anyone or throw up, we are kinda backed up here, so we could use your help."  
"Can't promise anything," Abby smiled.   
"Abby, you should go home." It was Susan, she was watching Abby with concern.  
"No, Susan, I am okay, really."  
"You sure?"  
"We talked, we're good."  
"What about you?"  
"I'm fine."   
Abby grabbed a chart and finished off her banana. She was famished. Frank had another box of donut's on the counter, so Abby grabbed one.  
"Hey!" Frank said.  
"Thanks Frank."  
Abby smiled and turned around, she started walking towards exam one when Susan pulled her aside.  
"Are you really okay?"  
"Yes Susan, I am okay. I swear to you. I am okay, or at least I will be, don't worry."  
"Abby...."  
"Susan, I am really okay, but thank you." Abby cut in.  
"For what?"   
"For worrying about me and taking care of me when I faited. I am glad it was you who told me."  
"You're my friend Abby. I wanted to make sure you are okay."  
Abby hugged Susan.  
"Thank you." She said.  
Abby walked off, happy for some reason, Carter and her talk and Suan and her talk and the sleep had refreshed her. She was still scared as hell, but she knew Carter would be there, there for her. She was worried about Carter though. He was dealing with so much. She knew now at least he had something to look forward too, she just worried about him. If this would add any un-needed stress. She also hoped he did think of this baby as a replacement to the baby he and Kem were going to have.  
That's one of the main things she was really afraid of. Passing on the disease, not being a good mother, and Carter thinking of this child as a replacement. She didn't know how to make it clear to him that it wasn't. She supposed if the baby was a girl, that he wouldn't think of it as a replacement so much. But if it was a boy, Abby was afraid Carter might expect something of it. 


	9. You'll Learn

Abby was slowly making her way through the morning sickness and constant tiredness. As for now no one knew that she was pregnant in the ER, Carter and Susan had kept to their word and not told anyone. Abby knew she was going to have trouble keeping things a secret though, once she started showing.   
They had passed off the crying and throwing up incident as Abby just having a high fever and being sick. Though she knew that everyone had their suspicions, she knew that no one really knew that she was pregnant. Everyone knew that something had happened between Carter and her, but no one said a word about it. Everyone thought that Carter and Abby were back together and Abby didn't bother to stop the rumors. They made it easier to keep her pregnancy a secret, and when she broke the news, they would think that maybe it wasn't from the drunken night they had had.  
Abby didn't know how she would break the news, she didn't just want to announce it. She would rather people just found out, with out having to bother her about it. She was in a way embarrassed. Mostly because it had happened when they had both been drunk. She still couldn't believe she was that stupid, she was mad at her self for that, but Carter had been great about it He was giving her constant attention, he gave her book and information, and she could ask him any questions she had.  
He knew that she was scared, but she was no where near as scared as before. She knew that she had Carter's support in this, so she was okay. She still wasn't completely happy about it all, but she felt, much better about it. She felt like she learned a lot from this, and maybe it wouldn't be as awful as she thought at first.   
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"Do you have your appointment today with Dr. Danbur?" Carter came up behind her and whispered in her ear.  
"Yeah, at 12."  
"That's in 10 minutes!"  
"Please don't miss it Carter." Abby looked at him. She was so unsure. The first ultra sound, this was just to check everything out. Make sure everything was okay.   
"I wont. I was just checking."  
Abby knew that this was going to be what made it real. She was just so nervous about everything. She wasn't really sure how to describe how she was feeling, she just wanted it over with. Abby had scheduled it with a lesser known doctor in the hospital. If she had Dr. Coburn do this, she knew people would find out, so she went with someone who she had worked a lot with when she was a OB nurse. Someone she knew she could trust. It wasn't that she didn't trust Dr. Coburn, but Dr. Coburn had never seemed to really like Abby. Plus it had been Coburn who delivered Carter's baby, she just didn't want to push things.   
"Hey Susan, can you cover for me. I am taking my lunch break, but I am heading up to OB and if anyone asks......  
"Yeah, good luck.  
"Thanks."Abby walked into the lounge, she was so hungry. She had to get something. She had been craving pickles lately. Every times she ate them she threw up, but she needed on so badly. She had brought a jar with her to work, just in case. She pulled the jar out of the fridge and popped the jar open. She pulled one out and started chomping on it. She had never tasted anything so good she thought and she was surprised but she didn't feel sick. She walked out to the admit desk, she had 5 minutes till she was going up, so she thought she would grab something easy off the board.   
She was just walking away from admit when she felt it. I shouldn't have eaten that, she thought and dropped the chart. She ran to the trash can leaned over it and threw up. She saw the pickle come up as well as the cereal she had had that morning. When she was feeling better, she sat up, and Frank was looking at her in disgust, Lydia was just looking worried.   
"You okay Abby?  
"Yeah," She thought of a lie quickly. "I had some bad milk in my cereal this morning.  
Abby quickly turned around, wipped her mouth on a tissue from the counter and picked up the chart.  
"Didn't she have some bad milk in cereal last week too?" Lydia asked Frank.  
"That must be way past it's expiration date." Frank smiled.  
"Yeah." Lydia laughed and walked away.  
Crap, Abby thought. She needed to stop this. She hated lying, but she just wasn't ready to tell them.   
She went into the curtian.   
"Morning, I'm Dr. Lockhart, how are you feeling today?" she said.  
"Well I am fine, but I think Maria here has a cold." She was holding a young baby in her arms. Abby smiled, that'll be me soon, she thought.  
"How old." She walked over, and placed the stythoscope to the babies chest.  
"She is 4 weeks.  
Abby picked the baby up. She smiled, god, she couldn't believe this was soon to be her.   
"Well she doesn't have fluid in her lungs, which is a good sign. She probably just has a small head cold. But let me do some vitals just to be sure.  
"Okay.  
"How are you doing?  
"Sorry?  
"How is it, is it hard taking care of her?  
"Well it been chalanging, but fun.  
"I was scared at first, but things just worked out.  
"I am just really, nervous. I am expecting too.  
"Really?  
"Well in like 7 or 6 months."  
"Congratulations.  
"Thanks, but I am so nervous. I have no idea what to do."  
"Neither did I. You learn as you go, read the books though. You'll catch on, I know I did."  
"Okay, thanks. I am going to send a nurse in here, I am heading up to OB.  
The woman smile at Abby, as Abby handed the baby back to her. She turned around and walked out, giving Haleh the chart and instructions. She then found Susan, letting her know she was going up. She walked up to the door to exam room two, and looked through, giving Carter a nod she headed up to OB. 


	10. Regaining your Footing

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Abby headed up the stairs, not knowing what to expect. She was staring at her feet, just walking up, thinking, wondering.  
"Abby, what are you doing?"  
Abby glanced up. Shit, she silently swore to herself. It was Kerry, what in the world was she going to say.   
"Carter? Why are you here too?  
Abby turned around, there was Carter, he was heading up too. She glanced at him, not knowing what to say. He looked at her, they were both stuck. Lost for words, neither wanted to be the one who said anything. Kerry spoke first.  
"Why are you up here, you are both on shift, and the ER is getting backed up.  
"We just needed 15 minutes Kerry." Carter said.  
"Why?"   
"We are going to OB." Abby kept her head down, she didn't want to see Kerry's reaction.  
"What?"   
"I need to get an ultrasound. I have an appointment for now, I am pregnant."   
Abby didn't dare look up, she didn't want to see the look on Kerry's face.   
"We are late, we need to go."   
Carter said quickly and walked up behind Abby grabbing her hand and pulled her around Kerry.  
"Please don't tell anyone." Abby whispered to Kerry who was still standing on the steps, looking at them in shock.  
Abby sighed, that was not the way she wanted to tell Kerry. Things were so weird now that she was pregnant, nothing seemed to be going her way. She held Carter's hand tight. She was frightened, this was it, this was her first view of her baby.   
"Are you okay," Carter turned around to ask her.  
"Yeah." She looked at him, and knew he could see the fear in her eyes,  
"Come here." They had reached the OB floor, Carter pulled her into a hug.   
"Everything will be okay, I promise. Everything will be okay." He held her tight.She held him too, just apreciating the moment. She was so tired, all of a sudden. She sank into his embrace, just relaxing, feeling his warmth. Feeling his muscles through his shirt, his stethescope was digging into her chest, but she didn't care. She just fell into his arms, his embraced. She hadn't been hugged like this in a long time, not since they were together. The feeling of the person's weight apon you, the intamentness of it all. The situation, the feeling, she missed it, she needed it.  
"We need to sign in." Carter whispered in her ear   
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"And there it is." Dr Danbur said to Carter and Abby. She was pointing at the ultra sound screen.  
Abby was staring at the screen, not sure if she believed that this was really inside of her body. She wanted to convince herself that they were all playing a trick on her, that this wasn't real, but she knew it was. She looked up at Carter. He wasn't smiling, but he wasn't frowning. Abby would onky think of the memories this brought back or him, she reached her hand up to his shoulder.   
Carter seemed to come back from whatever world he was off in in his mind. He looked at her and smiled. Then he looked back at the screen, only now seeming to take in what was there.  
"Everything looks good. I want to draw some blood and run a few tests, but that is standard. I'll call in a nurse.  
"Thank you.  
"Congratulations." Dr. Dunbar said as she left the room.  
Carter was still staring at the screen, Abby looked up at him.   
"Carter." He kept staring straight at the screen, he was thinking about something. he was gone, in his own world, one that she couldn't penetrate, at least not now.  
"Carter." Abby said this time a little louder. He glanced down at her, suddenly realizing she was there.  
"Carter what are you thinking about? Whats wrong?"  
"This just reminds me..... of, of everything.  
"I know. I'm sorry.  
"Sorry?  
"For making you come.  
"No, I am glad I did. I mean after all, this is my child.  
"The way you say that, it makes all of this sound real. It hasn't really been up to this point for me."  
"This is usually the thing that makes it real for everyone.  
"I know," Abby said softly, staring at the screen. This was her child. Her baby.  
Se sat up, and looked at him.   
"Carter." He looked down at her, she was sitting just so that her head came to about his chest. Abby could see in his eyes, the fear, the terror that the same thing that happened before would happen again.  
"Carter we will get through this together. No matter what comes, we have each other.  
He looked at her, and brushed the hair out of her eyes. She was staring straight at him, he leaned over and gave her a kiss. It was as light as a feather, but it lasted longer than she expected, and took her breath away. It seemed to ingulf her, it was lasting for eternity. As she slowly pulled away she pulled him into a hug.   
She held him as he held her. And then he was breaking down, he started to cry. Tears were running down Carter's cheeks.  
"Carter it's okay. It really is."   
Abby was amazed at how the roles had reversed, how she was consoling him, instead of when he used to always be the one consoling her.  
"Carter, it will be okay. I promise.  
She repeated everything he had said to her as she held him. Now it was him who was afraid, now it was Carter who didn't know what to do. There was nothing he could do, he felt helpless, completely powerless. Abby knew how he felt, she had been there so many times. She had felt this way with her family, her life, her relationships. She had felt this way so much, but this time it wasn't her, so she knew how to deal with it.  
In a way, they were emotionally leaning on one another, balancing, and she knew that if either gave way, they would both fall down and there would be no one to pull them back up. Abby knew what she had to do. She had to regain her footing, and be there to catch Carter if he fell. She had to figure things out. She was the person who had to work things out and be there for Carter. She knew what she had to do. 


	11. Falling into Place

Abby knew what she had to do, she hads to feel comfortable with everything that was happening. First thing she did when she got home that night was put the ultrsound picture on her fridge. Then she went to her computer and went online. She wanted to find out all she could about the percentages and statistics of her passoing on the disease. She didn't know if there was less of a chance because she didn't have the disease. She wanted to know.  
She also decided to order some books. Read more about everything. Like the mother she had treated in the ER said, a lot of it comes to you, but you need to read books. She ordered a few book that she had heard about and also seen at Susan's. As much as she still wasn't completely conviced that all of this was real, she knew that even if it was a dream, this is what she had to do.  
Abby felt kind of stupid that she still didn't completely believe this. All of it seemed so unreal, she had seen it happen to other people, Susan, old friends. But she never thought of all of this happening to her. She laughed out loud, it all seemed so, so silly.  
Abby hadn't needed to come together like this since she decided to go back to med school. Then she had really pulled herself together, set goals, she knew what she had to do and she did it. This Abby hoped would be like that. It was so rare that Abby could succeed like this, without something going wrong. She knew what could easily go wrong, her family could show up, with problems that she would have to deal with, and she just couldn't deal with them, not being pregnant. Abby made a silent prayer that they would be okay for the next 6 or 7 months.   
She looked out the window. It was snowing, early december, right on time. She was thinking back, back to the morning she had woken up with Carter. Early september. She was just three months, but time seemed to be flying by. The first month she didn't even know she was pregnant.After that was when Susan had told her, but she was too frightened to go get the ultrasound yet. Carter had convinced her, and she knew she had to. She could keep on pretending it wasn't real. So she got over her fears and scheduled one with Dr. Dunbar.   
Abby had another one in about 2 months, for the 5 month check up. Abby wondered how much she would be showing then. She stood in front of the mirror, pulled up her shirt and examinder her stomach from the side. She was showing, a fair amount too, it could be passed off as her just gaining weight, but either way, she would have to start wearing looser shirts and bigger pants. . She was getting bloated a lot later in the day and the morning sickness had been slowly getting less and less, although she was craving tons of food. She was entering into her second trimester. Thats why she ordered all the books. She had no idea what this was going to bring.   
Abby ordered Chinese food, she was starving, and started on a book that Carter had lent her. She was reading about tons of facts, and information when the doorbell rang. She went up to check who it was.  
"It's Susan, I have some stuff for you."  
"Come on up, I have chinese.  
Abby unhooked the door and quickly neatened up the living room, and brought all the food over into the living room, placing it on the coffee table.  
"Hey," Abby turned around. Susan was standing in the room, with a stroller holding her 4 month old daughter and draging behind her two full boxes of things.  
"Let me help."  
Abby rushed over, bending to get the boxes and pull them into the room.   
"How are you?"   
Susan asked wheeling the stroller over to the chouch. The baby was asleep inside.  
"Truthfully, and surprisingly I am okay. I mean, I am shocked to say it, but i am slightely excited."   
Reading the book, Abby hadn't noticed it, but she became a little less nervous and in a way, excited about what was coming.  
"How are you?"   
Abby asked. She knew that Susan hadn't been getting a ton of sleep, because of Julia, Susan's daughter.  
"I'm okay. Chuck has been helping out a lot. I have a lot of stuff for you. People must have thought I was having sextuplets, they gave me so many things. I can't use them all, but I thought you might need them.  
"Thank you.  
"There is clothing, blankets, books, pacifiers, I mean anything you can think of.  
"Help yourself to the chinese food.  
Abby took the top off of one of the boxes, she pulled out some books.  
"Crap I just ordered these online.  
"You can cancel it.  
"I will.  
Susan looked up at Abby and smiled. Abby smiled at her too.  
"Thank you for all this stuff.  
"You're welcome. I mean right now you are the only one I know who can use it.  
"How is Julia?  
"She is doing really well actually. She is sleeping a lot longer than before. That's why I have been working more shifts. But Chuck and I switch off. I work when he isn't and he works when I don't.  
"Can I hold her?  
"Sure, but if she wakes up, you are dealing with it.  
"I can get practice.  
"Can I get something to drink?"  
"Sure the cups are in the cuboard to the right of the sink."   
Abby bent over and unhooked the straps that held the baby in. Susan got off the couch and headed towards the kitchen.  
Abby held the baby close to her, rocking her in her arms. The baby kept on sleeping, just rocking. Abby looked at her, she felt proud, she kept the baby asleep. A small acomplisment, it meant a lot to her.   
They baby started wiggling and moving though. Abby kept on rocking, hoping the baby would fall back asleep. She didn't though, she started to cry.   
"Shhhh, come on Julia. Please go back to sleep." Abby whispered.  
The baby quieted down, as Abby kept rocking her, and whispering to her. Julia eventually fell back asleep. Abby looked up at Susan who was standing in the doorway to the kitchen.  
"Good job."  
Abby laughed, she turned around and softly sat down on the sofa. Still holding the baby in her arms.  
"Want to watch something?"  
"We should probably go."  
"Okay. Thanks though, for all the stuff."  
Abby got up again, carefully and placed Julia in the stroller. Without waking her she buckled her back up.  
"You are a natural.  
Abby smiled.   
"Yeah right."  
"Are you on tomorrow?"  
"Yeah, are you?"  
"Yup."  
"See you then."  
"Bye."  
Susan turned arounf with the stroller and headed down the hallway. Abby closed the door. She turned around, and picked up on of the boxes, it wasn't too heavy and she brought it into her bedroom. Just for now she thought. She still needed to talk to Carter, about what would happen once the baby was born. The other was to heavy for her to carry, so she shoved it into the room.  
Abby was tired then. She she pulled out some pajama bottoms and a tank top to sleep in and went back into the living room. She picked up the chinese food, putting it into her fridge. As she shut it, she saw the ultrasound picture again and smiled. She ran her hand over the baby's head and felt her stomach. This is as real as it gets she thought, thinking about the baby stuff Susan got her, the books, her stomach. She left the kitchen and walked into her bedroom. Turned off the light and turned onto her side. Looking out the window at the snow falling, she smiled, things seemed to be falling into place. She just hoped that it would stay this way. 


	12. Doing Better

More chapters to come, but please keep up the reviews. Let me know what you think and if I can do anything to make it more exciting or if you have any suggestions!

* * *

Two weeks later Abby had wondered what had happened. Every morning she felt bigger than the day before. It was getting really hard for her to wear anything of hers without it being obvious that she was pregnant. She was planning on going shopping for maternity clothes after work that day.   
Carter was going to come with her. She was just about 14 weeks now, so she was past the morning sickness and this was when she could really enjoy the pregnancy. She and Carter hadn't talked much about what would happen after the baby was born. She thought she would just let him bring it up, she didn't want to push too much on him at once.  
"You ready to go?"  
"Yeah."  
Abby and Carter left together, walking to his car. Abby thought of this in two ways. One, to camouflage her, or to make her look beautiful pregnant. Depending on the clothes she got, it could be either. She smiled, it was fun to think of her doing this. Like a little modern couple. She glanced at Carter. He was watching the road.  
"Penny for your thoughts." Abby said to him."  
"Oh trust me, my thoughts are worth far more than a penny."  
"I have a quarter."  
"More than that."  
"Wow, you really think highly of yourself." Abby joked. She loved this, the joking. The easy, flirty talks they had.   
Carter smiled, looking at her. He reached over and patted her stomach.   
"How have people not noticed yet?"

"I don't know. I mean I am getting huge. The book said that different women grow to be different sizes depending on how much they eat and how fast the baby grows.  
"Yeah, Kem wasn't this big........  
Carter stopped, Abby glanced up at him. He didn't want to go on. He didn't need to though, Abby knew what he was going to say. She took his hand and squeezed it. It was still hard for him. As much as he tried to hide it, she could see it in his eyes.  
"Carter, I don't want me being pregnant and this baby to always remind you of what happened. I know that it is hard not to be reminded, but you're going to have a kid. We can't change the past, but here is a future. Can't you be happy about that?"  
"Yeah. It is just hard. I just don't want to remember."  
"You should always remember. He was your son, you will always have that, even if you don't have him. You will always love him and cherish him, but you aren't denying his existence, or insulting his memory by no longer grieving. You will always remember him and everyone knows that, but I doubt he would want you do be this depressed and sad all the time."  
Carter looked at Abby. He didn't respond. He pulled up to a maternity store and they got out of the car.   
"Even the outside looks menacing," Abby said.  
"It will be fine, you just need some... camouflage, something that people wont notice your stomach as much in.  
"I am going to need a tank soon enough, that'll be the only camouflage I can use.  
"You'll look fine. I promise.  
They made their way into the store. They decided not to buy and baby stuff, since Carter already had everything from the other baby. He hadn't even touched the room since the baby died, everything was sitting there, just as it had been.  
Abby grabbed a few things off the rack. Nice tops and shirts she could wear to work, but things that would keep her warm. Late December, January and February amazingly cold in Chicago. She also picked out a nice winter coat that was large. She didn't know if her coat would fit all winter depending if she kept growing at this rate.  
"What about this Abby?  
Carter walked around the corner of the rack.  
"Carter that is gray.  
"So?  
"I would look like an elephant.  
Carter laughed and turned back behind the rack. Abby took out some pants. She wondered what she was going to wear, since she normally wore dress pants or scrubs at work she decided to get a few pair of dress pants. The scrubs wouldn't be an issue, they were draw string and she would just get bigger sizes as she grew. But she also wants sweat pants. Something she could just wear around the apartment.  
That brought Abby back to the living situation. What were they going to do? She knew she had to bring it up, and if she didn't now, she probably wouldn't remember later.  
"Carter?  
"Yeah, you find some clothes.  
"I did, but I need to ask you something. I didn't really... I didn't know when to bring it up, but what are we going to do after the baby is born?  
"Well..... ummm, I never thought about that.  
"I know that you will want to spend as much time with the kid as I do. But, I.... I don't know how it's going to work.  
"I'll think about what we can do." Carter ducked back behind the row of clothes.   
Abby was glad she said something. She wasn't going to suggest what seemed to be the most obvious solution, she didn't want to push to many things on him. Abby thought it would be easier if she just let him figure it out what to do.  
Suddenly she had a pair of underwear in her face. She turned around. Carter was standing over a tub with maternity underwear in it, he had shot some at her.  
Abby started to laugh as she walked over to the bin with the underwear in them. She held a pair up and looked at Carter.   
"They look like Granny panties, that would work as a bra too, for anyone not pregnant."  
"You'll need them."  
"Good god. What do I do with them after I have the baby?"  
"Use them as a undie/bra combo set like you said."  
"Oh yes Carter, because we all know how sexy that would be."  
"You never know."  
"Trust me on this, it's not THE look."  
"I'd go for it."  
"Then you have very interesting taste John Carter."  
Abby smiled at Carter. He seemed a doing better, he was laughing and smiling. She knew though that he still was depressed, and he was trying to keep all of it inside. That was Carter, never wanted his feelings to get in the way of someone else's joy. Even before in the car, she knew he was hesitant to talk about things. But Abby was glad that he did. He couldn't keep this all inside. She wished he talk to her more though, get more out. Abby wanted to know what was going on in his head. There wasn't much she could do though, she could only wait until he was ready.   
Abby was smiling, looking down at the underwear. She didn't want to look up, because she knew Carter was watching her. She knew he was thinking about something, and she hated to interrupt him when he was deep in thought. But he spoke, breaking the silence.  
"Abby, I think I have a solution to what to do when the baby is born. You could move in with me."


	13. I'm Excited

She could move in with him. Yes, she had thought of that but she never wanted to admit it to herself until Carter said it. The house was big enough, they could have separate rooms as well as have a baby room. Abby looked up at him. She wondered, was he doing this because she had maybe pushed it without realizing it. Was he ready, would this be bad for him.   
Abby looked into his eyes, almost as if searching. Searching for the answers to the questions that were shooting in her head. She could move in with him. It would make things really easy. Kind of like a room mate, except for one she had had a really long relationship with, that ended badly, then he left, came back, she rejected him, he left, broke up with her in a letter, came back with a pregnant girlfriend, baby dies, he is depressed, she tries to comfort him, they get drunk, sleep together, are now going to have a baby. Abby chuckled to herself. Her life sounded like a soap. She had left out the best part as well, her family.  
She still had to talk to her mother, she still had to tell her. She could only imagine how that conversation would go.   
"Are you going to answer me, or continue spacing out?  
Abby's blinked her eyes, she realized that she had been staring at Carter for a minute, just thinking.   
"Oh sorry. I was thinking, then got sidetracked.  
Carter laughed and smiled at her.  
"Are you sure that is what you want?" Abby asked, she was okay with it, but if he wasn't then she didn't want it.  
"It's a perfect solution."

"Then it's perfect.  
Abby broke contact then, not wanting to make the situation weird. She pretended to be interested with a pink frilly pair of undies.  
"Sexy." Carter said, he had been watching her.  
"It's like pink kitten style.  
"What?"   
"You know, Old lady, with all these little cutesy plates that are pink with kittens on them in her kitchen and dining room.  
".....right. You are.... indescribable.  
"Shut up." Abby laughed and Carter laughed along with her.

----------------------------  
  
Two weeks later Abby was just about 4 months. She had stopped growing as fast, so with the maternity clothes it was pretty easy to hide the bump. Abby had managed to pack up most of her apartment and she was going to be moving the next weekend. She had already been over to the house with Carter to talk about what she is going to keep and what she will put into storage. All of her furniture except for the stuff in her bedroom she didn't need.  
Abby was there now, looking through the stuff in the babies room. Carter wasn't there, she thought it would be best to do this when he didn't have to see. He was on shift, and had given her a house key. When Abby first went in to the room, door had been shut, not been opened since the day before the baby died. The crib was assembled along with a changing table, but most of the things were still in boxes, except for the things that came already assembled like the rocking chair and toy chest. There were two large widows in the room the over looked the garden below.   
Abby sat down in a rocker, putting her feet up. She was looking out the window. It was beautiful out there, watching the snow fall. She got up again, knowing if she was going to do anything, she should do it now. Abby opened a box that had a dresser in it. Plotting where she thought it would best go in the room, she pulled out all the pieces. Although it was new, it matched beautifully with the crib which was san antique.   
The crib looked so picture perfect, mahogany, with stars engraved in the headboard. She had gotten most of the dresser put together, the drawers just needed to be assembled. Then it would be done. The crib was against the wall in the middle. She placed the rocking chair in the corner next the window so she could look out. On the other side she had put the changing table. There was a little toy chest next to that. Abby lined the top of the toy chest with teddy bears.   
She couldn't believe what she was doing. She felt so motherly. Maybe the pregnancy brought that out in her, she didn't know. That side of the room was done. She placed the drawers in the dresser and that was done as well. The dresser was next to the crib. It felt a little empty on that side of the room. Not much on it. Abby looked through more boxes and bags for things that might fill the space between one end of the crib and the wall. She found a large rug, that might fit perfectly. It had a map of the world on it. It was bright and beautiful, and fit perfectly. It looked a lot better in there now. Things were assembled, although there were still boxes and bags of clothing on the floor. Abby put them all into the dresser, noticing a lot of the clothes were boy colors. She didn't mind though, they didn't know if the baby was going to be a boy or a girl. Abby didn't want to know.   
She was suddenly over come with exastion. She walked back over to the rocker and sat down, looking at the room. It needed something on the walls. Maybe a few pictures and the bed needed linens. But besides that, it was pretty much done. She smiled, closed her eyes, laying a hand on her stomach. Abby was amazed at how much things had changed in the past few months. At the beginning of this year, her and Carter hadn't even really talked. It was amazing how much things had changed, and how many things are changing.

------   
Abby woke up to the sound of movement in the room, she didn't know how long she had been asleep there. She opened her eyes to see Carter standing in front of the windows in the room right next to her. She watched him wipe a tear from his eye and then look back at her.  
"Hey." Abby said. She stood up off the rocked which required some work because of her stomach. She walked over to his placing and arm around his waist she hugged him. Pulling Carter towards him. He placed his head on he shoulder and let out a sigh. A sigh of frustration and longing.   
"It's beautiful isn't it.  
"Two weeks and it is Christmas.  
"God, holidays, a perfect excuse to stuff myself and eat do much. Being pregnant wont help either.  
"What are you doing?  
"I don't know in the slightest, I haven't talked to my brother since, July, and my mom in September.  
"She doesn't know."

"Do you're parents?"

Carter looked at her and shook his head.  
"What are you doing for Christmas?" Carter asked her.

"No plans."

"Well I was planning on having Susan and Chuck over, my parents wont be here. But do you want to come?"  
"Sounds good."

"Do you think your mom might be in town."  
"I don't know," Abby sighed. "I have to talk to her." That wasn't going to be fun.  
"Want to get some dinner?"

"Sure, then will you drop me off at my place?  
"Sure."

"By the way." Abby said as they turned and headed out of the baby room. "The trucks coming at nine.  
"I haven't had a roommate in a while.  
"Neither have I."

"Well we will stay up late telling scary stories and eating popcorn.  
"I'm excited."


	14. Holiday Cheer

"Morning roomie."   
"See your up at the crack of dawn, what is it, 10?"   
"Hey let a pregnant woman sleep till 9:30 on her day off!"   
Abby had made her way down stairs to the kitchen. At 5 months, she was definitely starting to show now, even in the maternity wear. She knew she would have to tell everyone soon.   
"What are you cooking?"   
"Scrambled eggs, your favorite."   
"How kind."   
"Well I thought this might get you in the mood for helping me make the dinner for tonight."   
"Sucking up are we?"   
"You never know."   
Abby eased her way onto the stool up against the counter. It was Christmas Eve day, and Carter and Abby were having Susan, Chuck and baby Julia over for Christmas Eve dinner.   
"Are you making a turkey?"   
"Of course."   
"God, I am craving turkey so much. I think all this Christmas is getting to me, I am feeling so jolly and merry. Too much Holiday Cheer!"   
"It might do you some good."   
"Are you implying that I have been crabby lately?"   
"Mood swings, more like it."   
"New flash: pregnant women get mood swings!"   
Abby laughed, she had today and tomorrow off, so she was looking forward to just relaxing and enjoying the holidays.   
"Your mom called this morning."   
So much for relaxing Abby thought.   
"She was wondering why the number for your apartment had been changed."   
"Did you tell her?"   
"I thought you might want to."   
"Let me call her."   
Abby slipped off the stool and started to head for the phone when Carter stopped her dead in her tracks.   
"No need, she is coming in later today."   
Abby spun around and laughed.   
"That a good one, I thought you just said that my mother is coming into town today. But not even you would be stupid enough to do that."   
Carter just stared at her, then plopped some eggs and bacon onto a plate. Abby raised an eyebrow at him.   
"Oh crap."   
"Come on, it wont be that bad, she is better now, she is on her meds, she is doing well. She wanted to see you for the holidays."   
"This will be great fun."   
"You never know."   
"I am only doing this, because I would rather tell her in person that I am pregnant."   
"Really?"   
"Yeah, with her, things are better in person than on the phone."   
"Do want me to pick her up?"   
"Carter, last time she checked, we still weren't talking. I think that she might jump to conclusions, and very weird ones, if you went to pick her up. She probably already has a million questions now since you answered the phone. I'll pick her up."   
Abby thought things would be better that way. Abby could explain everything about the situation, so when Maggie saw Carter, she wouldn't ask weird questions.   
"When is she coming in?"   
"Three in the afternoon at Union Station, then dinner starts at six."   
"She still hates to fly."   
Abby sat back down and Carter sat next to her. As Abby started to eat the food, Carter reached over and touched her stomach. It always kinda weirder Abby out when people touched her stomach, it was just one of those things she hated. Some people hated it when you touched their feet, with her, it was her stomach.   
"Have you felt the baby kick yet?"   
"No, but Dr. Dunbar said soon."   
Carter looked on the fridge where the most recent ultra sound was. Abby had gone again a week ago, just to check everything out again. Carter and her had decided that they didn't want to know the sex, it would be better if it was unknown. Abby wanted the surprise.   
She would be happy with a boy, because she had practically raised her brother, and so she knew how to do that. But a boy might be harder for Carter, because of all the past. A girl would be great too, but she was worried, would it be like a mini Maggie? Would the baby become bipolar? She supposed that could happen with either, but something about a girl, it just made it seem more likely.   
Abby shook her head, no, she was being stupid. She couldn't dwell on things like this. She didn't want to. She looked at Carter again, he smiled.   
"So I'll clean up the dining room and living room." Abby suggested, trying to get her mind on something new.   
"Okay, I'll start the food then I'll help you."   
Abby grabbed her finished plate of food and placed it in the dishwasher, and headed back up stairs to get dressed. She was really enjoying living with Carter. She liked having someone there when she went to bed and when she woke up. Someone to talk with and laugh with. he seemed to be doing really well. He hadn't been drinking in over three months, and they were slowly working though things. There were still issues left to be talked about. Somethings she didn't dare mention, things that he had to bring up for them to talk about, but over all, things were going really well. Abby chose a shirt that was a little tighter fitting, it really showed off her stomach, which seemed pretty normal for 5 months. She was showing, past the stage where it could just be fat, but not so big where she just wanted the baby to come out. She wondered what the pregnancy was doing to her, she was perfectly happy it seemed. But there was something, something there that she didn't understand. It seemed to push through all the happiness that surrounded her. Something that even when she was perfectly happy, suddenly made her want to cry. She needed it, but couldn't have it, she didn't know what 'it' was though.   
Abby went down stairs again, passing the babies room. She looked in and smiled, it was beautiful. All it needed was to be painted. Abby was going to do that tonight, after Carter went to sleep, she was going to paint it as a Christmas present. She also had some nice new clothes, a shirt and a new tie that he could wear to work. But mostly the room was going to be his present.   
Abby looked at the living room. The christmas tree in it was huge, they had decorated it last weekend. They had gotten the silver confetti everywhere, which she now had to vacuum up.   
Abby grabbed the vacuum and a holiday CD which she popped into the stereo, blasting the tunes, she started vacuuming, singing Jingle bell rock as she did. Everyonce in a while she stopped to use the vacuum head as a microphone. Abby had been doing this for twenty minutes when she looked up to see Carter standing in the entry way to the kitchen smiling at her. No, not smiling, laughing. Abby turned off the vacuum. "What?" Abby asked, although she knew he was laughing at her.   
"Those are some nice moves you have there."   
"I was just getting into the holiday spirit thank you."  
"I could go out and rent a Santa suit. Your stomach is big enough so that you don't need a pillow."   
"I am wearing those favorite underwear of yours. The sexy pink kitten ones."  
"You better stop now, or else I may not be able to resist your devilish charms."   
Abby smiled and turned the vacuum back on as she listened to more holiday tunes. Not really knowing why, but she wished, Carter had come and kissed her. No, Abby thought, it's just the pregnancy. This wasn't her talking, this was the pregnancy. She read in the book that pregnant women crave sex. That must be it. 


	15. Happy, Almost

Abby stood in the waiting area by the trains at Union Station. The train was just pulling up and she was now faced with the challenge of explaining the last few months to her mother. She knew that second that anyone saw her, they could tell she was pregnant, she was waiting for her mothers reaction.   
This was the first real time she had the chance to show off her stomach, because there would most likely be no one she knew. She had gotten a lot of smiles and darting glances when people saw her stomach. They would smile at her, almost as if sending their good wishes even though they didn't even know her. It was sweet, Abby thought. But also kind of creepy, all these people staring and her stomach. She felt like she was famous, from all the looks she got.   
"Abby, Abby." She heard the call from behind her, but she didn't turn around. She would wait till her mom got next to her to show her her stomach.   
Maggie rushed up to Abby's back, and and stuck her hands infront of Abby's eyes.  
"Guess who."  
"Hey mom." Abby said as she turned around. Waiting for the reaction.  
"Abby, how are you." She still had her eyes of her face. They she looked down, things sort of happened in slow motion.  
"What in the........" were the only words that came out of Maggie's mouth.  
"Surprise."  
"Abby........?" She looked at Abby questioning.  
"I'm 5 months."  
"Who's? Is it Carters?"  
Abby nodded her head.  
"Oh my, boy or girl?"  
"We don't know, don't want to."  
"Oh my gosh, you look...... you look amazing Abby. You look happy as can be."  
"Mom we need to go, dinner is at six and friends are coming over."  
Abby turned, taking her mothers hand and started to walk towards the exit. When they reached the car Abby placed the suitcase in the trunk. Abby sat in the drivers seat and started the car.  
"So... are you two back together?"  
"Mom, let me explain things. They are really complicated. But no, we are not back together. 7 months ago, Carter's baby with the other girlfriend, it died and she had to deliver it stillborn. Then she left him and he got really depressed, I mean, it was all a kind of drunken mistake. But we worked through a lot. Carter has gotten a lot better and he is doing pretty well. He asked me to move in with him, because he has a big house and he wants to be apart of the babies life. But no, we are not together, it's hard to explain."  
"But I thought you were mad at him?"   
"I was, I mean, I was broken hearted, but after I found out I was pregnant, we talked a lot. Things got worked out."  
"Do you still love him?"  
"What?"  
"Do you still have feelings for him?"  
"Why would you ask that?"  
"Well why did you sleep with him?"  
"I don't know, I mean, it was kind of a mistake. I told you, I only meant to comfort him."  
Maggie fell silent.  
"Mom, please, don't talk about this to Carter though, he is still touchy about these things."  
"I am not stupid Abby, I know."  
Things got silent then, akwardly silent.  
"How is Eric?"  
"He's okay. I saw him in November for thanksgiving. He is still on his meds, he seems to be doing fun. He has a girlfriend."  
"Really?"  
"Her name is Kelly."  
"Great......"  
"He said he meant to call you."  
"It's okay. I don't expect him to."  
"Abby......"  
"He will call when he is ready. How have you been doing?"  
"Fine, I am having fun at my job."  
"Thats good."  
Abby pulled up to the house and parked the car.  
"Nice house."  
"I like it."  
"Merry Christmas Maggie." Carter called from the front porch. He was standing outside, rubbing his hands together to keep from freezing. Abby was shocked at how much the temperature seemed to drop since she had picked Maggie up.  
"I think it is going to snow again." Abby said as she and Maggie climbed the steps to the house.  
Abby was welcomed by the smell of turkey and stuffing as she entered the house.  
"Carter, that better be done soon, I am dying. These cravings are killing me."  
"It still needs another 4 hours."  
"Oh you are awful."  
Abby and Maggie made their way up the first flight of stairs to the guest bedroom, which was right across from the nursery.   
"We still need to paint the room," Abby explained as Maggie pushed open the door.  
"Oh Abby, it's is beautiful."  
"Thanks."  
Abby walked over to the crib. They still hadn't gotten any linens for the bed. Abby ran her hand over the wood work and smiled. Maggie walked up next to her and placed her hand on Abby's.  
"You look happy Abby. Happier than I have seen you in a very long time."   
Maggie said looking into her daughter's eyes.  
"I am mom, I am really happy." Abby smiled. She was perfectly happy, almost. One things still bothered her, did she still love Carter. No one had asked her like that before, she didn't know. Maybe she did, or was it just the pregnancy? She didn't know. 


	16. Merry Christmas

A Short Chapter, but let me know what you think!  
---------------------------------  
Abby looked at the clock, it was 12. Carter would most likely be asleep now, so she could go paint the room.   
It had been a really fun night. Susan, Chuck, Julia and Maggie were all there and they ate, talked, played Charades and Taboo. It had been really fun. Abby was reluctant to stay up late, she was full and tired, but she knew what she had to do.   
Abby walked over to her door and opened it. The light in Carter's room was off. She felt very secretive. Like a special agent or FBI or something. Well all except the stomach that poked out in front of her.   
She crept down the stairs, to the basement, where the paint and rollers were stored. She had chosen a greenish color. It was a neutral color, but it was a lighter green, so that when the sun hit it, it would be beautiful.  
She crept back upstairs into the nursery, placing the paint on the ground, she looked up at the first wall she had to paint. She started to walk over to it, when she tripped over something on the ground, a roller.  
"Shit." Abby swore, it hurt a lot.  
"Abby?"  
Abby froze, it was Carter. What was he doing there?  
"Why are you here?" She asked.  
"Oh, ummm, me. I'm not doing anything. You?"  
"Oh, ummmmm same."  
Abby knew though why he was here, the same reason she was. They were both going to give each other the same present. Abby walked over to the light switch, and turned on the light. Carter had started to paint half a wall, not very much yet.  
Abby smiled at him. She understood, and so did he.  
"This was supposed to be my Christmas present to you."  
"Same."  
They both laughed.   
"We better finish it."  
So Abby walked over to him. He was using the same color paint as her, because he must have found the extra there was in the basement. Abby picked up a roller and started to paint, both were laughing.  
  
Around an hour later they were finished. They stood back and looked at the walls.  
"I like it." Abby said.  
"So do I. But I want to see it in the light."  
Abby stood next to Carter, and then she looked out the window. She walked over to it.  
"It's snowing again." Abby remarked.  
She heard Carter walk up behind her. She was unusually aware of his presence just over her left shoulder. She was getting goosebumbs, even though she it wasn't cold in the house. She wanted more than anything for him to touch her, to feel his hands on her skin. Just then the light flickered and went off. The power had gone out.  
"Merry Christmas, Abby." He whispered over her shoulder.  
Abby turned her head to look up at him. He was watching her, mesmerized. The light from the snow was reflecting on his face. He took at step closer to her, and Abby caught her breath. Not daring to breath, or move a muscle.  
Carter reached behind her, taking her hand in his. Even the air seemed to stand still for Abby. She didn't know what he was thinking, but it didn't matter. Nothing did, except for him, in the seconds that he stared at her. Using his other hand, he pulled her to him, not forceful, almost longing.   
Carter placed his hand under her chin. Staring into her eyes, Abby could see something there, something she wanted to have, to hold forever. Then he slowly lowered his head towards hers, and she shut her eyes, blocking out the real world the surrounded her, and feeling the one she was gliding into.   
His kiss was intoxicating, making her want more and more. She fell into him, his body and muscles. This is what she had been craving, what she had been wanting and needing. As the kiss stopped, Carter pulled her deeper into a hug, unclasping their hands, Abby realized hers was all sweaty and clammy.   
"Abby?" The noise seemed to be coming from far away, pulling her back to the world. Making her realize she was still standing on wood, the air around her, the light from the window.  
"Abby, Carter?" It was her mother, opening the door to the room.   
Abby quickly moved out of Carter's hug, so it just looked like they were standing in the room, and had been talking. She was still infront of the window, looking out into the night.   
"Maggie, it's just us. We couldn't sleep and seemed to meet in the room."   
Carter explained to her, trying to make it sound convincing.   
"Oh okay." She sounded skeptical.  
"The power is out mom."  
"I know honey." Maggie said.   
She was standing in the door way watching them suspiciously. There was a silence, and uncomfortable one. Abby shifted on the floor, now becoming aware of her back, which was hurting from the painting.  
"I am, I'm going back to bed." Abby managed to get out.  
"Night." Said Carter from behind her.  
Abby climbed the stairs and got back into bed. She lay there, thinking, listening. Abby heard Carter climb the stairs, and then the noises stopped. She hadn't heard his door open, he was still standing in the hallway. He's probably thinking too, she thought.   
About a minute later she heard his door open, and then close. Abby let out a sigh of relief. In a way, she had wanted him to come in with her. She wanted him. But she was glad he didn't, she wouldn't have known how to react if he did.  
Abby turned over onto her other side, pulling the blankets up around her. Did she still love him? She did. But did he still love her, that she didn't know. 


	17. No Longer A Secret

Short-ish Chapter. Please Read & review!   
-----------------------------------------  
  
Abby woke the to light streaming in her eyes and her alarm beeping. It had stopped snowing, and the clouds had cleared. It had been snowing for the past few days, almost non-stop. Christmas had been yesterday, they had had fun. Because the power wasn't working, they lit a fire and all had hot chocolate. Later in the day the power came on, so they all watched a repeat of Friends. Abby was so tired she fell asleep half way through it.   
But today, she had to work, and she had gotten a fair amount of sleep the night before. Abby slowly got up, rubbing her back. Which was sore from the painting. Abby shuffled out of her room into the bathroom. Carter's door was still shut. Abby was working 6 to 6, and Carter was working 12 to 12.  
She secretly wished she could work with him. When she was at work alone, keep her pregnancy a secret seemed twice as hard. She felt like she was completely unprotected, and at any second someone would find out. But with Carter, she felt a lot safer.  
Abby got dressed, her shirt was big enough that it covered er stomach, although if you looked at her from the side, you could see the bump. Fortunately the Doctor's coat blocked that. She was going to wear scrub pants today. She didn't want to put on the maternity pants. It was just easier to wear the scrubs.   
Abby made her way into the kitchen and fixed herself a bowl of cereal, toast and pop tarts. She was really hungry.   
She left the house quickly, she was going to take the El into work, because she didn't want to risk driving in the weather. Even just walking made Abby really tired, everything seemed to make her tired lately. She knew it was the pregnancy, but she found it annoying.   
"Hey Abby, large trauma coming in, multiple MVA.  
"Morning to you too Frank."Abby quickly walked into the lounge so she could deposit all of her stuff. Jerry walked over to Frank when she went inside the lounge.  
"Has she gained weight?" Jerry asked Frank. Both Chuny and Lilly smiled, and left the admit desk.  
  
"Abby, I need you." Luka called to Abby as she walked out of the lounge.  
"Molly Bell, 9 year old, white female, back seat during the crash, multiple cuts and bruises, nothing obvious but she was bashed around a lot in the back seat, could have internal bleeding.  
"Okay, trauma two."  
"Where's my mommy?  
"She is right behind us," Abby whispered to the girl.   
Abby walked into the trauma room, with the gurney.   
"Molly, Molly?" Abby shook her, the girl had lost consciousness.  
"We need to intubate her. Abby you do it." Luka said.  
Abby rushed over to the head of the patient. She was standing there when she felt it, it was soft but strong. The baby was kicking. God was it kicking, all of a sudden, she could feel it, the baby was kicking right behind Abby's belly button. A giant smile broke over Abby's face, and she lowered her hand to her stomach, she could feel the kicks on her stomach.  
"Abby?" They were all looking at her. She was smiling and had stopped what she was doing.  
Abby looked up. Realizing they were all wondering what she was doing. She quickly intubated the girl. And coming up with a quick excuse, she rushed out of the room. She went into one of the exam rooms, pulling the ultrasound machine in with her. Pulling the curtain around her, blocking her from view, but the ultra sound machine was still sticking out a little. She pulled up her shirt, and she placed it to her stomach.  
The baby was really kicking around. Moving and squirming. She could hear the heartbeat as well. It was the first time she could really watch the baby move. It was one of the most amazing things she had seen. The baby, her baby. Abby laid down on the gurney, and propped herself so she could still watch the screen.   
Abby stood up, again. It was easier to watch standing. She stood up, keeping the monitor to stomach. She couldn't take her eyes away.   
Abby jumped, the curtain had been drawn away from around her suddenly. Haleh and Lydia were standing right infront of her, both staring at her stomach. Abby looked down embarrassed. They knew now, now the whole ER would in a matter of minutes.  
Haleh walked around the ultrasound machine and looked at the screen.  
"Wow, he's really kicking in there isn't he?  
"First time." Abby said, she could no longer keep it a secret.  
"How far along are you?"  
"5 months."  
Haleh looked up at Lydia and smiled.  
"Tell Malik I win the pot."  
Abby glanced at Haleh.   
"What?  
"Oh honey, you think we didn't know? We had a pot for how many months you were."  
"How much did you win?"  
"$105."  
"Wow.  
Abby wasn't mad, if it hadn't been her, she probably would have put into the pot too.   
"We need the ultra sound for trauma one."  
Abby lowered her shirt, reluctantly. She still wanted to see the baby, but she had to get back to work.  
Lydia and Haleh wheeled the ultrasound machine out of the room. Both were smirking at each other, Abby rushed back into trauma two.  
"Abby where they hell did you go?" Luka looked kind of pissed.  
"Ummm," Abby thought it was pointless to lie anymore, she might as well just tell people. "The baby kicked for the first time, and I wanted to see it. Sorry."  
Luka stared at her, then lowered his gaze to her stomach, as did everyone else in the room. Abby pulled back her lab coat and her shirt, accenting her stomach.  
"5 months," Abby explained.  
"Damn." Malik said from the other side of the room.  
"Yeah, Malik. Haleh told me to tell you that she won." Abby told him with a smile. She walked back over to Luka, who was still looking at her in disbelief. She couldn't wait to tell Carter. 


	18. I Need to Tell You Something

Read and Review please! Also, any suggestions on where to go from this would be appreciated.  
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"Carter," Abby called to him, he had just entered the ER. She wanted to tell him about the kicking. He turned and she could tell right away, he had been drinking. His eyes were glazed over, he seemed almost ready to pass out.  
"Carter?" Abby looked at him, not knowing what in the world happened.  
"She called?" He said gruffly.  
"What?" Abby didn't even need to ask though, she knew.  
"Kem called." He said, although not really realizing what he was saying. He turned and walked into the lounge. Abby ran after him, things shooting through her mind. Questions, all revolving around why.  
"Why, why did she call?" Abby walked in after him. He was resting against his locker, head pressed against the metal.  
"She said, she said that she was sorry."  
"Sorry?"  
"That, that she left things so badly.  
"That was all?"  
"She wanted to know how I was doing."  
"Did you tell her?"  
"What?"  
Abby looked at him, and then pointed to her stomach.  
"Oh, I... no I didn't. I forgot."  
Abby looked at him, a little mad. But she knew why he didn't tell Kem. He was probably too broken up to even remember. Carter was leaning against the locker, as if it was the only thing supporting him. He was to drunk to work.  
"Carter you can't work. You're too drunk."  
Carter just looked at her. Almost as if he had given up. Like he didn't care. He grabbed his coat and walked out of the lounge. Abby quickly got hers out of her locker and ran after him.  
"Carter, Carter wait."  
Everyone was watching as they left, as Abby ran after him.  
Carter kept walking, Abby was having trouble keeping up. He kept walking, fast, almost jogging. There was no one in their way as they walked. The snow crunched under Abby's feet, she wondered where he was going.  
Abby followed him down to the side of the river. Where he stopped at the gate that separated the sidewalk from the water below. He just stood there, gloves holding onto the metal. Staring out and the water and the city that lay before them. Abby came up behind him. She stopped, to catch her breath. He was just standing there, and so she watched him. Not knowing what to do.  
Abby slowly approached him from behind, and moving next to him on the gate, she leaned on looking at the water as well.  
"When she called everything came back." Carter said before Abby said a word. She wasn't looking for an explanation for why he was drunk or acting this way. She knew, but he still kept on talking.  
"I couldn't take it in all at once. I had to have something, a drink. It started with just one, then another and another, soon the whole bottle was empty."  
Abby knew the routine, she had done it so many times.   
"I am sorry I am like this. It just made me realize all I have lost in the past year. I mean, I have nothing, no one, I had someone who I loved, I left her. I tried to replace her, it's repeating over and over again in my head."  
"Carter......." Abby started. She couldn't believe what she was hearing. He had her, he had this child, how could he say that he had no one?  
"No Abby, I can't, I can't take this. I have to have something to drink, anything. i need to forget."  
No, Abby couldn't take this. This was not Carter. He needed to wake up, he needed to realize he still had her.  
"Carter stop. Stop.  
He was walking again, he was trying to get away, like before.  
"Abby, I can't. I am sorry, but I need something to drink.  
No, she wouldn't take this. Abby ran up behind him, grabbing his arm, she flipped him around. She was so mad, how could he think this. She was here, she loved him. She started to shout at him.  
"No Carter. Stop, now! Carter I need to tell you something. I haven't said it yet because I was afraid. I don't know what of. Maybe of what it meant, or what it would mean, or what it would do, But there is something you have to know. I can't stop loving you, I can't stop thinking about you, I can't stop wondering what could have been. What would have been if you hadn't left, if I hadn't made the choices I did. We both did so many things wrong, we made bad choices, we put ourselves in front of the other. And when things were right there, we didn't grab them because we were so afraid of what it would mean or do.   
I am still afraid, I am afraid of what this might do, but I can't stand here and watch. It's hard enough watching someone you love love someone else, but I can't stand to watch you destroy yourself, to ruin everything that makes you the man for me. I know that things are hard, and I know that right now, life doesn't seem worth living.   
I know why your drinking, and smoking, I did the exact same as you. But after all I went through, I can't stand idly by and watch someone I love do the same. Carter I love you, so don't you dare say you don't have anyone that truly loves you. I have loved you from the moment we met in that cafe and you told me you were sorry. Sorry that you had been such as ass when I told Dr. Greene that you were shooting up in the trauma room. I have loved you every single day, and hour and second since that day four years ago. Maybe I never really knew how much I did until now, maybe I never really appreciated all you gave me.   
But Carter, now I know, and now I do, I beg of you don't throw that away. You have someone here who loves you and will love you now until the day you die. That person is standing right here, and not only that, she is pregnant with your child. Now I am not asking you to love me, or even get back together with me. But I am asking you not to throw everything away, to alcohol. I know because I have been there. It took me so long, but I did it. But I don't want that to happen to you. I don't, I don't want the father of my child to be what I used to be. Please, don't throw it all away........... please."  
Abby was crying now, silently, but tears were streaming down her face as she watched Carter. His face was as it was before, but it was softer. Then she saw it, a small tear streaming down the side of his cheek.  
"The baby kicked this morning, for the first time." Abby said. She lowered her head to look at her stomach, and even though it was ice cold outside, she pulled up her shirt so her stomach, placed her hand on it.   
"Your baby kicked for the first time this morning." Abby said again.  
Carter looked at her, tears now streaming down his face.  
"I'm sorry." He said. "I'm sorry that I drank."  
"I know you are."  
"Do, do you really love me?"  
Abby looked at him.  
"Carter, I love you more than I could ever say, or show. I love you more than I have ever loved anyone in my life."  
Carter walked over to Abby, placing his hand on her stomach. Abby jumped, because his hand was really cold on her skin.  
Carter lowered his head, so that his forehead was touching Abby's.  
"I love you too." He whispered in her ear, and with that he pulled her into a kiss. 


End file.
